vishu

me and aniyankuttan went around plucking kashuvandi all summer until i was in 10th. a kilo fetched us 30-32 rupees, sometimes more. it cost less once it rained. a trip gives us 4-5 kilos. we waited until it was 20-25 kilos, hung them on two sanchis on the handle bar. aniyankuttan sat on the carrier. the balance at the shop always showed less quantity, and Vareed mappila always threw away a few... they were pedu. we never agreed, we never challenged. it was aniyankuttan's idea-ThumsUp. it became my idea too. we loved the fizz. shaked the bottle and it fizzed. pedalled back home with a good sum. 4-5 such trips, enough firepower for vishu. me and aniyankuttan go in bus. buy padakkam, vaanam, meshapoo... stock them in thalam on vishu eve, count them again again again, smell them... And amma whispers, lying her soft hands on my closed eyes, "kannu thurakkanda, kani kaananam..."

muthassan

Illam has a second floor. a single big room above once muthassan's room on the first floor. muthassan used to take us to appaappa(his room upstairs was called appaappa). there he gave us iratti-madhuram, the only other thing sweet, other than sugar, those days. the second floor was dusty. it was inhabited by ambalapraavu, dozens of them. they had nests there. and whenever there was nests, here were eggs. you dont touch them. birds abandon their eggs if touched by us, people. i have seen abandoned eggs. i never touched one. dont knw who touch them. they touched them. there was a swamiyar, ettantachan (achan's big bro) used to say. he used to ask muthassan to bring down the second floor. it wasnt stable. it was bad for the family. every time ettantahan said that about swamiyar, i feel i was that swamiyar. i have sanyasa yogam in my jatakam. may be one day i will become a swamiyar. but i wont ask the then karanavar of the illam to bring down the appaappa... i dont know what really iratti-madhuram is.

muthassi

muthassan tought me thalichukuli (the ritual bath) in the naalukettu. days into my onyam (upanayanam) muthassan died. some say he was hit by a train. but apphan found no bruises on his body when he was laid in the vaazha ila in thalam (the drawing room) that evening. he had one dent on his head behind, thats it. he fell from the track on his back. he might have got hit by the train from behind. but he looked as fit as he always was. apphan took the TV to thattin-puram. no tv, no Onam, no Vishu, no kambithiri, mathaappu, no upperi, pazham-nurukku. but muthassi made some upperi for onam. she said it was muthassan's wish, he wanted us children to have all that, have fun. i dont know if muthassan told her that. but she loved us, her grand children. i know. but i dont know if there will be a vishu and will there be upperi for this onam. muthassi died four months ago. i know she loved us, her grand children... and me, her Praji.

simple

some people are like small letters-simple
what feels better? i or I?